Unemployment Sucks

I am gradually spiralling into a deeper and darker hole of self loathing.

Unemployment is high. Everything rises except wages. This country has no money to hire people. I have no money to travel to where jobs are. Vicious circle.

I used to blog about loving my job. Well, that job was lost at the end of November 2013. Redundancy is better than being fired, but still, no money is no money, no matter how I got to having no money. I have had a grand total of two interviews since I lost that job, and from being still unemployed you can guess I didn’t get them.

I’m 23 and I’ve moved back home twice now. Granted the second time I hadn’t moved out properly anyway, I used to stay at my boyfriend’s, but he can’t afford to keep me around when I have no job. So I only see him at weekends. Now I have more time with my family, which is great until about a week has passed and they start to irritate me the way they always do. A closed door means, please knock as you walk in and ignore that the act of knocking requires to wait for my response to allow you to enter. An open door means walk in, say nothing, watch my tv, hover over me on my laptop, then say “What did I want to say to you?” …I don’t know, you’re meant to ask me! Oh and of course, there’s no quiet. Every hour there will be an argument between my father and someone, be it my mother, my brother, or him yelling at the computer in frustration.

I don’t want a job so I can buy new shoes or go on holiday, (don’t get me wrong, I want to, but I’m still at the stage of wishing I just had something making me happy to wake up each day!) I want a steady income so I can move out, be independant. I hate HAVING to ask for help. I’d prefer to be able to cope on my own, scrape by, rather than be sat comfortably but frustratedly in my parent’s house.

Money is the centre of everything. People say it’s not, but it is. Without it you can’t really do anything. Now, I don’t mean money means everything or gets you everything, it doesn’t. It just makes most things possible. If nothing else, having money means being in a job!!! Having a job means knowing more people, getting better experiences and learning more skills. The money is your reward for working with assholes and having a boss who makes you make the tea.

I’m lucky I have my family, I really am. Without them I would be screwed. Doesn’t stop me wanting to kick them out of my bedroom though.

The longer I am out of employment the longer I am going to take to pull myself out of the rut I’m in. The unfair thing is that employers don’t want to employ someone who’s had a long time of being unemployed. Which is frickin backwards as I’m bending over backwards trying to find work, still not getting anywhere and it will just get harder every day. I find myself sat thinking I’m never going to actually get a job. I’m never going to be the person I want to be or be with the person I want to be with most as he’s never going to be able to have me in his life unless I get a job. Now I’m just thinking he’s going to break up with me to get a girlfriend who actually brings something into his life rather than just being a drain. Yay. Spiralling.

feel like holding up a sign saying the one thing constantly on my mind